I recently saw the new Julia Roberts movie, Mirror Mirror — a very fun and campy movie complete with gorgeous costumes and a hunky, half-nude prince. Really, he was amazing! (C’mon girl, you gotta focus on your blog…) Julia plays the Wicked Queen who treats Snow White with cruel contempt. While Julia speaks to her mirror on the wall, her real mirror is actually Snow White. It got me thinking about how we all have mirrors in our lives that reflect back to us crucial aspects of our personal growth. How do you know you have a mirror? The telltale sign is when you have a judgment about someone else.
Sorry — I know that is bummer news but it’s true. If a person or situation brings up in you a tirade of comments, insults, and rantings, then you have a mirror happening. When something or someone really triggers us, and elicits in us that strong emotional reaction, it means that there is something that the person or situation is telling you about yourself. Don’t shoot the messenger, OK? But after you take a couple of breaths, you will see the truth in this. Have you ever noticed that someone that just frosts you to no end doesn’t seem to even phase another person? This has to do with the mirror and it’s the gift in this relationship that you are about to unwrap.
We call into our lives that which we need to transform in ourselves. Let me repeat that. We call into our lives that which we need to transform in ourselves.
So if you have called this person or incident in to your life, there is something for you to transform here. This is great news! This situation, while upsetting, is at the heart of your own growth and development. So breathe, know that everything is unfolding for your highest and best good, and then take the time to explore so that you can unearth your own transformation. First, look at whether this situation is a direct mirror or an inverse mirror. Be willing to take an honest look at yourself and you will be rewarded.
When someone or something is a direct mirror, it means that the thing that bothers you is something that you do too. I know that is hard to hear but if you can hang in with this process, you will gain some valuable insight that is part of your transformation. So if your boss really upsets you because he criticizes everyone, that means there is a part of yourself that is overly critical. It could be that your criticize others (possibly co-workers or maybe it’s your children, neighbors, or politicians) or it could be that you have a strong inner critic and you beat yourself up a lot.
If someone or something is an inverse mirror, it means that the thing that bothers you is something you would never allow yourself to do or have or is not an option for you. For example, if your boss seems overly critical, it would mean that you never allow yourself to be critical. You may be nice to the point of denying your true feelings of upset about anyone or anything. So this person is showing you that you need to allow yourself a reasonable amount of criticism.
Seeing our mirror can be tricky because it requires you to be very vulnerable in looking at your own life. Only you will be able to flesh this out but take the time to journal about what the mirror is reflecting in you. I promise you will gain profound insight that will not only help you grow but will definitely transform the experience you are having of this situation.
For the Wicked Queen, she has an inverse mirror with Snow White. She can no longer enjoy the youthful beauty that Snow White possesses, nor ultimately, the hunky, half-nude prince. Sigh. What Julia really needs to do is to process her feelings of loss about her own youth and find ways to become empowered about her transition to maturity. Luckily, it’s nothing that some good journaling and little therapy can’t fix.
Great post, Britt! Just beautiful.
Love this thoughtful piece! What you have to say here is especially true for parent-child relationships, and critical to explore for the sanity of all involved!!
I agree Michelle. Becoming a parent creates a whole new opportunity for healing and growth — that has certainly been true for me.