So any of you who know me, know that I suck at patience. I have many wonderful qualities but patience has never been one of them. And wouldn’t you know it, but I have now manifested an opportunity to learn some. Sigh. Here’s the problem with personal growth — you don’t always (never, actually) get to choose how and when you grow. You can set intentions and say affirmations, but sometimes, there is a higher plan unfolding for you that you don’t control. And that is what is happening to me. I thought I would spend this year one way, and it’s unfolding another way entirely. I was geared up and ready to go and now am having to wait, wait and wait. The funny thing is that the other plan that is unfolding is probably going to be bigger, better, and more amazing than my original one but I still fought letting go of the old plan. The real challenge for me is being in this in-between stage. I am not doing what I thought I would be doing — but the new plan that is unfolding is not here yet either. So I am in this very weird place — one that requires an abundance of patience where I possess exactly none. I am generally a woman of action — I set my vision, focus my intention and get things moving. But now, there truly is nothing to do but be with what is and wait for it to come to fruition. While I understand that intellectually, and even spiritually, it’s a whole other thing to be sitting in the waiting. I have been anxious and grumpy. What I am discovering is that a good chunk of my professional worth is in getting things done. That my accomplishments have been a sort of measure of my self-esteem. This was news to me but it has become abundantly clear. So not only am I waiting, I get to see some more of my flaws up close and personal. Fun stuff. I once read the quote, “Wait with the patience of a Buddhist flyfisherman” and it seems relevant to my situation. I actually flyfish — it’s one of my favorite activities in the world and I have fished some of the most beautiful rivers in Montana. And flyfishing does require an abundance of patience — you can spend hours casting away and not get a nibble. But the funny thing is that it doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t consider it something that I have to be patient about because I am so caught up in the meditation of it all that 6 hours can pass in the blink of an eye. There is something so mesmerizing about walking a river, figuring out where the fish are laying, and then trying to cast your fly to just the right spot so that it floats past the fish, tempting him or her to take a bite. I enjoy the sound of the water rushing past my feet, the rhythmic movement of the cast, and the abundance of trees and sky around me. I love every second of the whole experience — for me, it’s truly the best meditation in the world. So I am going to try to bring my flyfishing self to this other situation. I need to settle into the rhythm of each day, finding comfort in its steadiness. I need to look around and appreciate my surroundings. And I need to find joy in the precision of my actions. Ahh — that feels better. I think I can do this.